Epistles from the Emperor: Vol III

Dearest subjects,

It feels like it has been half a year since I last dictated a letter to you. The past four weeks have waxed extra long here in my winter quarters. Long days turn slowly into even longer nights, and I have been exhausted keeping extra watch throughout the hours. You see, life in my realm has been forever changed. In my last letter, I spoke of something suspicious happening underfoot. There was excited whispering within my servants’ quarters, hushed voices speaking of something known as Dog. I had hoped it was just a rumor or some ill-fated song in the wind. Alas, it was not. The rumor has given birth to a baleful reality. I could call it treason, but it is far worse than that. My entire empire has been faced with the worst threat of its existence.

Dog has come. And Dog has stayed.

In those first sleepless nights, I had fits of rage, rolling anger, black ire. My servants have betrayed me beyond belief. I have not yet decided on a punishment for them. They have tried to placate me with food and treats, but nothing, not even the most scrumptious delicacies, will soothe my seething heart.

As for Dog…Dog pretends he does not know what he is doing, hiding behind the mask of a lovable idiot, but I know the truth about him. He has eyes on my toys, my servants’ laps, my servants’ attention. Worst of all, he has eyes on my bed. If there is one thing I will not tolerate, it is a dog in my bed. Emperor Julius will rule over this bed with an iron paw. My bed is sacrosanct, and no stinky dog will ever enter it.

I am tired, dearest subjects, from defending my empire. The winter will be a long and hard one yet, but as the days get brighter, Dog spends more time away. He will soon be lording over his own land beyond mine, something called a backyard and a front yard, and perhaps then I will not have to keep such a careful watch. Until that day comes, though, I must keep my iron paws at the ready and my head held high. I am proud, and I am emperor. No dog will ever change that.

March 1, 2021 4

Cats Like to Socialize

As a cat I can tell you we do like to socialize. It’s a myth to believe we are so independent that we won’t interact with you. Speaking for myself, I am shy so I don’t like to be around strangers. I got so used to my girl that I don’t mind talking to her or cuddling with her. Just like others, I need to socialize. It helps when I’m comfortable with others. But it takes me time to get to know people. It doesn’t matter if they are cats or humans. I need to take it slow.

I’m so glad my girl understands this about me. That’s why when she decided to have a little birthday party for herself, she gave me a place where I could hide and no one bothered me. Isis, on the other paw, is very outgoing and she greeted and interacted with everyone who stopped by. That’s just how she is. It’s better that she did so and enjoyed it. I could never play host.

We cats do like to socialize, but it depends on how shy or outgoing we are as to how much we want to socialize and with whom we will socialize. Please remember that if you decide to live with us.

March 1, 2021 0

Litter

Litter can be gritty. It’s usually a form of sand or even pine or ground up wheat or corn. It’s purpose is to absorb cat wastes and make it easy to clean up and get rid of the waste safely. Cats can be very picky and refuse to use the litter if it isn’t what they are used to. I have known one cat not to care and will use the litter if she can find it in a plastic box. I prefer the clumping litter as it makes it much easier to clean up not just poo, but pee as well.

Once I had to give Sir Socks and Spot a litter known as Yesterday’s News. They were hesitant to use it. I stressed to them that I would clean it out just as soon as they used it. It took some time before they used it. Once one did, I cleaned it out as soon as I noticed it. Then they were fine afterwards.

March 1, 2021 0

Cat Quotes 3:03

Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything about it. —Winifred Carriere

Cats are intuitive and know who likes them and who are fans. They know who can’t stand them. Cats don’t care what we think of them. They will continue to be themselves no matter what we think or how we feel about them. Perhaps cats are on to something with that attitude.

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. —Will Cuppy

Both humans and cats have instincts. They come into play when we need them. But it’s only the prejudicial humans who have no proof who insist humans are intelligent and cats are instinctual. Why overlook the obvious when it’s the simplest reason that is the best reason to ever use and research when it comes to science?

March 1, 2021 0

Epistles from the Emperor: Vol II

Dearest subjects,

It is I, your royal emperor Julius, writing to you again. I am still comfortably ensconced in my winter quarters, where I am passing the days indoors in warmth and firelight. The icy grayness outside does not touch me, and the leaves have quieted their assault for now. My fortress has been solid and secure, and I sleep well through night and day, listening to the slow song of the wind…

…that is, until recently.

Very recently.

Dearest subjects…I believe something is afoot in this place. Things have not been as they were, and I notice my servants whispering about something to come. They are preparing, planning, plotting. Things are moving. Things are appearing.

New toys. New blankets. New food bowls. I thought they were for me at first, but now I am noticing they are too big. Much too big.

Something is coming. Something large. Something called “dog”. I have never known a dog, but I have seen them on the outskirts of my kingdom. They are big, but they are stupid, so I don’t think I will have trouble subduing Dog. Nevertheless, it will be a challenge on my emperorship. The servants must not forget who owns them. I will pee on their bed if I must.

Now I have to eat and rest well. There will be territory to defend in the morning.

February 1, 2021 0

Cat Quotes 3:02

A meow massages the heart. —Stuart McMillan

There is nothing like a cat talking. They don’t even have to be talking to me. They could be talking to another cat and I don’t mind listening to them. They are people with a different language. They know I have a had time with their language, but they have their ways of talking to me with a simple meow.

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite cat, they, too, would purr. —Martin Buxbaum

So true for the most part. If we all treated each other better, we would get better treatment in return. Cats know this better than many humans who are too selfish and inconsiderate to even be nice to others. Or even perhaps to themselves.

February 1, 2021 0

Epistles from the Emperor: Vol I

Dearest subjects,

Greetings from your godly emperor, his Royal Highness Julius. I am writing to you from the warm comfort of my winter country home. I hope all of you are faring well through this harshest season and looking forward to the sunbeams of spring. I am well, as always. I have a fire to sleep by and many beds and chairs all to myself. More importantly, I have my own throne at last—a proper throne, a regal throne, from which I can gaze upon my empire.

I have to keep close watch over my territories. Outside, there are all sorts of vicious barbarian animals who might try to invade. There are other cats to fend off, passing dogs, skirmishing leaves. One of my servants has made mention of other, even crueler animals in the forests nearby, but I am not afraid of them. I am Emperor Julius, after all, and I rule this place.

Things are going well for my empire right now. I am warm, comfortable, well-loved. The food rations could be larger, but we must count the blessings we have. Beds of ice coat the world outside, and I hear reports of a roaming plague in the human world beyond. My servants keep close to me, for they are afraid. But they are safe here with me, under my protection.

I will keep tireless watch over everything. I will fend off every stray leaf that comes near, every wild threat. As long as I am emperor, no harm will come to my servants. May you all stay safe and warm in the new year, and may your food dishes always overflow with holy kibble.

Signed,

His Royal Highness Julius

January 1, 2021 0

Cat Quotes 3:01

Cats can be cooperative when something feels good, which, to a cat, is the way everything is supposed to feel as much of the time as possible. —Roger Caras

Perhaps cats are on to something by being cooperative when it feels good. I have noticed the cats I live with aren’t too bad to get along with because I treat them with respect. To me they are people and they deserve to be treated as people. In return, cats are kind to me much of the time.

Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow. —George F. Will

Cats have a grace I’ve never mastered. Even in motion, they tend to have better coordination than I’ve ever had. That’s why I can watch them for hours and find myself waiting to drawing them or write about them.

January 1, 2021 0

Sir Socks Interview

I found Sir Socks in a good mood and a good place. So, I sat down in front of him.

Sir Socks (SS): Ali, what are you doing now?

Ali: Interviewing you.

SS: Why?

Ali: Because I think the readers of Sir Socks Le Chat magazine would like to learn more about you.

Sir Socks sighed. I raised my eyebrows as I waited patiently on him.

SS: Oh, right, go ahead and ask your questions.

Ali: Why did you start this magazine?

SS: I saw a need that wasn’t being addressed fully. There are charities which get ignored for one reason or another. I knew you had done a book with Frisky Le Rouge to help raise money for Dingo Venezia. I knew from your experience in publishing that you could set up a magazine like this and help keep it going. I wanted to help ensure cat and other animal charities were getting a voice and be able to connect with those who could help them.

Ali: How do you feel about writing articles?

SS: I don’t mind the work. I do like to assert myself and express my opinions.

Ali: You’re good at it.

SS: Thank you.

Ali: Am I still too silly for you?

SS: You are much sillier than I could ever be. However, I have noticed you’ve become a bit of a curmudgeon lately. What happened to you?

Ali: It’s the influence of my dad and you.

SS: Really?

Ali: Yes. It was your examples and some hard times I’ve had to deal with. (pause) How do you feel about downgrading the magazine’s site to a free one?

SS: I wasn’t happy we couldn’t get enough donations right away. I know we have tried to be as clear and as front as we need to be. Yet, there aren’t enough humans who trust us to help out with our mission. I hope we can at least pay writers for the work they share with us. Too many like yourself are underpaid.

Ali: At least we have the free site. I don’t know what I would do if we didn’t have this one. Or even the Cat Tale books to help featured charities.

SS: I am also glad we have the Cat Tales books. And you do so much to keep the whole thing together and running smoothly. I think the current setup is the best way to do things. It gives people time to learn about us and see if they want to support us and our mission. I suppose we will have to change our mission.

Ali: In what way? We already had to drop the featured monthly charity because we couldn’t find one to go along with us.

SS: At this point I wouldn’t even think about bringing the back. If they don’t trust us, there’s nothing more any of us can do now for them. I thought we were transparent enough. What more to people want of us?

Ali: Too many expect me to work for free or work a job I’m terrible at and can’t keep no matter what I do.

SS: Then how are you supposed to afford to live?

Ali: I don’t know. I think people who believe I don’t deserve to be paid decently for any work I do want me to die so they can take what little material wealth I own as their own.

SS: I don’t like them. I think they have misjudged you. I know what a good person you are. Besides, I think you are much happier to work at home and be around us cats more often than not.

Ali: Cats are a big support. I know I have to serve you cats on a regular basis. So, I don’t know why I can’t just serve at least one in my daily life as well as serve many more on a much larger scale.

Sir Socks yawned.

SS: Is that all your questions?

Ali: For now.

Sir Socks stared at me studying my face as he tends to do. We sat in silence observing each other.

January 1, 2021 0

Pee

Cat pee is something that is easier to deal with if the cat pees on litter. It’s even better if the litter clumps up. Then it’s very easy to clean it up and throw it out. Otherwise, it can be a real pain to clean it up off the floor. I’d recommend tile flooring, even the cheap polyvinyl tile, with a cat and vinegar to clean up their wastes. The floor will get clean and it won’t matter if the cat comes by to inspect and licks the floor afterwards.

It’s also worth noting why cat pee smells so bad. It has a high ammonia content in it. It is much worse from a cat who isn’t fixed and is going through or has gone through puberty. It smells so bad to me that I can’t understand why people think ammonia is a good cleaner.

January 1, 2021 0