Hello again, my dearest subjects. As the cold season passes into warmer tidings, my silent war with Dog continues. The war is still ongoing, although it is a quieter one these days. For the most part, Dog and I have settled into an unspoken truce about territory and dominion, and we have established a working order for how things will go as long as he is a resident occupying space in my empire. My dining and bathroom areas remain private, cordoned off for only the Emperor’s personal use. Dog is not to approach me if I am in my Royal Chair or on the Bed. Dog is to vacate my property upon my entrance into the room. And Dog is only to speak to me once he has been spoken to. The only words I want to hear from him are “Yes, sire”, or “I’m sorry, sire”.

Dog is a compliant subject most of the time. He knows the power of my Iron Paw, and he tries to follow my rules the best he can. When he was new here, I assumed his countenance as a “Happy Idiot” was an act, a cover-up to hide his true intentions to rob me of my power and land. I am starting to wonder if I was, in fact, incorrect in my initial assessment of this creature. He truly does seem to be a happy idiot, uninterested in most of the things I was concerned about. He is largely content with his own toys and activities, and he spends a lot of time outside of my territory occupying himself with his own pursuits. He might not be the threat I believed he was after all. I will continue watching him, however, just to make sure. An Emperor can never be too trusting, even if your enemy is indeed a happy idiot.

The true problem these days has been my servants rather than Dog. You see, part of my truce with Dog has involved taking a tithe from him–a portion of his kibble every day, which he used to let me take freely while he watched on in helpless acceptance, afraid of the mighty Paw. Recently, my servants have observed me collecting this tithe, and they have reacted in a most improper manner: they have tried to stop me from collecting what is my right to take as Emperor. They say ridiculous things about “dog food isn’t for cats”, “you’re on a diet”, and “you have your own food”, but their arguments are all lies and propaganda. It is more than just food that I am taking from Dog. It is my payment for allowing Dog to live in my land. A handful of kibble is the least he can give me in return for my graciousness and mercy. And, above all, Dog gets more food than I do, so he can certainly spare some. What do these disrespectful humans know about tithes and respect for an emperor cat?

That is all I have to report for now, my subjects. Hopefully in time I will have my servants corrected again, and I will be free to collect my tithes without their interference. In the meantime, I have to keep my Iron Paw at the ready. I am Emperor and always will be.