Cats might meow,
And some would wonder
How dogs would like to
Act sadistically
Towards felines,
When in fact,
All living creatures
Have their own unique features
As a global Animal Kingdom,
And hopefully human beings
Would have the wisdom
To help the Earth,
And possibly create
And appreciate
A new world
Begun at birth
Epistles from the Emperor: Vol VI
Hello again, my dearest subjects. As the cold season passes into warmer tidings, my silent war with Dog continues. The war is still ongoing, although it is a quieter one these days. For the most part, Dog and I have settled into an unspoken truce about territory and dominion, and we have established a working order for how things will go as long as he is a resident occupying space in my empire. My dining and bathroom areas remain private, cordoned off for only the Emperor’s personal use. Dog is not to approach me if I am in my Royal Chair or on the Bed. Dog is to vacate my property upon my entrance into the room. And Dog is only to speak to me once he has been spoken to. The only words I want to hear from him are “Yes, sire”, or “I’m sorry, sire”.
Dog is a compliant subject most of the time. He knows the power of my Iron Paw, and he tries to follow my rules the best he can. When he was new here, I assumed his countenance as a “Happy Idiot” was an act, a cover-up to hide his true intentions to rob me of my power and land. I am starting to wonder if I was, in fact, incorrect in my initial assessment of this creature. He truly does seem to be a happy idiot, uninterested in most of the things I was concerned about. He is largely content with his own toys and activities, and he spends a lot of time outside of my territory occupying himself with his own pursuits. He might not be the threat I believed he was after all. I will continue watching him, however, just to make sure. An Emperor can never be too trusting, even if your enemy is indeed a happy idiot.
The true problem these days has been my servants rather than Dog. You see, part of my truce with Dog has involved taking a tithe from him–a portion of his kibble every day, which he used to let me take freely while he watched on in helpless acceptance, afraid of the mighty Paw. Recently, my servants have observed me collecting this tithe, and they have reacted in a most improper manner: they have tried to stop me from collecting what is my right to take as Emperor. They say ridiculous things about “dog food isn’t for cats”, “you’re on a diet”, and “you have your own food”, but their arguments are all lies and propaganda. It is more than just food that I am taking from Dog. It is my payment for allowing Dog to live in my land. A handful of kibble is the least he can give me in return for my graciousness and mercy. And, above all, Dog gets more food than I do, so he can certainly spare some. What do these disrespectful humans know about tithes and respect for an emperor cat?
That is all I have to report for now, my subjects. Hopefully in time I will have my servants corrected again, and I will be free to collect my tithes without their interference. In the meantime, I have to keep my Iron Paw at the ready. I am Emperor and always will be.
Wet Food
For a cat, wet food is a wonderful food treat. The good stuff has plenty of meat to get them excited as soon as they smell it. A human pops the lid off and the cat goes crazy until they can have it just below their mouth. Then they chow down. Depending upon whether they have trouble with their teeth or digestive trouble, wet food could be a necessity so the cat won’t go hungry. Usually, it’s just a treat compared to their regular food they eat.
I’ve noticed when I give wet food to the cats I live with, they tend to clean their teeth more than when they eat dry food. I find that a good thing when cats have complained whenever I’ve tried to brush their teeth.
Cat Quotes 3:06
Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailing ingenious in that respect. —James Mason
Cats have a grand old time in my presence. They’ve given me some great pointers on how to have a good time with them. They never seemed to mind when I was watching them. I know they watch me too. All the wrestling Sir Socks and Spot have done in front of me was amazing to watch.
Meow is like aloha — it can mean anything. —Hank Ketchum
Of course meow means a lot of different things. Cats tend to use one syllable over and over again until we understand them. They know we can’t completely understand whatever they say, but that never stops them from talking to us when they need to.
Cat Saliva
Apparently human scientists have managed to prove cat saliva has a mild detergent which helps clean our fur. It also contains a lot of bacteria. Bacteria is everywhere as my girl tells me. The detergent is interesting. We cats use our tongues to clean our fur and we’ve been doing it for centuries. I don’t suppose I ever questioned it before I found out what the human scientists have been up to, but it’s good to know my body is designed well. I don’t think any human gets to take credit for the cat design.
Cats Are People
The fact that I have to say cats are people indicates a serious problem in this world. As a cat, I watch humans and can’t understand why you seem to think it’s okay to fight among yourselves to decide who gets medical treatment and decent food to eat. Those same prejudicial humans like to assert cats are objects to be owned and not people at all.
Those humans have no idea how wrong they are. It’s your thinking which is wrong and deranged. It’s the kind of thinking which leads to serious illnesses. I can be sneaky. I’m so quiet and stealthful that I don’t have to deal with you. I can avoid you and I do.
That is why I am glad I was blessed with someone like my girl. She never gave me a hard time for being a cat. If anything, she accepted me as I am and encouraged me to become braver. She saw the good in me and encouraged me to be better. I did the same for her. I taught her about unconditional love and she has never forgotten those lessons.
Cats are people and so is my girl. I’m not sure I want to consider prejudicial humans to be people because they refuse to consider me a person. My girl considers me a person as she does all cats. She knows we are not objects to be owned.
Oh, and my girl has told me she has had to tell humans similar things about her. She knows she’s a person and not an object to be owned by anyone else. No wonder we get along so well.
Epistles from the Emperor: Vol V
Dearest subjects,
We are now entering month four of my ongoing war saga with Dog. Where I left off last month, it sounded like things were winding down between me and Dog. It seemed as though some kind of truce was on the horizon for my empire. Alas, my good heart was mistaken. I have come to discover that there never was a real truce, not truly. My war with Dog has now changed from one of raging battles to one of icy jealousy. Dog no longer makes direct attempts to grab my territory, nor does he challenge my sovereignty. In public, he shows fear and respect towards me, especially when I am occupying the sacred Bed or my Royal Chair.
This is good, I can hear you saying now. Why, Emperor Julius, what more could you want? The dumb Dog has accepted your superiority!
Yes, this is good. It is undeniably good. But there is still a problem, you see. He refuses to leave, and he takes up space that was once solely mine. He consumes the resources that I use, the air I breathe, the couch I sleep on. He is still here. He exists. And that offends me.
This month marks a new chapter in the war, my subjects. We are now in the midst of a cold war, and if history has taught us anything, cold wars are often just as terrible as hot ones. There might be no bloodshed, but nevertheless, we are still at war, and I must play the long game wisely and come out the victor.
At night, when I am alone, I scheme. I am turning six this year — an excellent age for an emperor — and I take time to imagine what I want my empire to be like when I am ten, fifteen, twenty. I have plenty of time to wait and scheme. I can wait as long as Dog can. I can wait even longer than Dog. If there is one thing cats have, it is patience.
I am ready to play the long game.
Princess Lily Versus Nuri
Sometimes cats just don’t get along. As a cat, I know. I didn’t always get along with my brothers or with the kitten I raised with my girl. We cats do fight. Usually, when we live inside with someone caring for us, we do not fight to the death. We just scream and yell at each other and sometimes come to physical blows.
I stress to you humans if you see and hear us fighting, please keep in mind as long as we aren’t clawing each other or causing any kind of wounds, you don’t need to worry. We are dealing with the tension of the moment. Princess Lily and Nuri just don’t get along. I don’t know why not. They tend to hiss at each other too much. Sometimes Nuri tries to play with Princess Lily who doesn’t like to play.
Only a few times have they done more than hiss and scream at each other. Neither got hurt. My girl was usually around to get them separated or just have them stop altogether. In the case of Princess Lily and Nuri, it is best to stop them from taking it too far as my girl does. Fortunately, they tend to avoid each other often or are in their separate rooms so they can’t get to each other and cause trouble when the humans are sleeping. Or trying to sleep as the case maybe.
Sometimes we just play wrestle. My girl has seen Spot and me fighting like that enough that she found it amusing. She never got between us. She knew we were playing.
Please watch carefully and soon you will learn if it’s a bad personality clash or just sheer play or even a way to diffuse the tension between us.
Cat Quotes 3:05
Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wilds. —Jean Burden
Cats can revert to their wild side faster than any human ever could. Cats can also come back inside the house and act more civilized than any human ever could after having a wild time out in the wild. I remember when Spot was outside how he would hide in the grass and stare at me. Yet, when I called his name, he came right to me.
The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. —Lynn M. Osband
Cat math is something which I don’t fully understand. They have their own rules and can calculate easily how to get whatever they want and as soon as they want it. That is one thing I’ve learned from living with all the cats I have in my life.
Bowls
Cats need shallow bowls to eat out of. It prevents them from getting too dirty while they eat or even just drink water. I suppose plates could do just as well for food, but not for water. Usually cats have bowls for food and water. It seems to be the easiest for their human caretakers to deal with when providing cats with food and water.
Usually the cats I live with don’t tend to get fat when I leave out plenty of food for them. They tend to exercise and of course play quite often. So, I’ve never had to deal with overweight cats.
Sir Socks Le Chat 