Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailing ingenious in that respect. —James Mason
Cats have a grand old time in my presence. They’ve given me some great pointers on how to have a good time with them. They never seemed to mind when I was watching them. I know they watch me too. All the wrestling Sir Socks and Spot have done in front of me was amazing to watch.
Meow is like aloha — it can mean anything. —Hank Ketchum
Of course meow means a lot of different things. Cats tend to use one syllable over and over again until we understand them. They know we can’t completely understand whatever they say, but that never stops them from talking to us when they need to.
The fact that I have to say cats are people indicates a serious problem in this world. As a cat, I watch humans and can’t understand why you seem to think it’s okay to fight among yourselves to decide who gets medical treatment and decent food to eat. Those same prejudicial humans like to assert cats are objects to be owned and not people at all.
Those humans have no idea how wrong they are. It’s your thinking which is wrong and deranged. It’s the kind of thinking which leads to serious illnesses. I can be sneaky. I’m so quiet and stealthful that I don’t have to deal with you. I can avoid you and I do.
That is why I am glad I was blessed with someone like my girl. She never gave me a hard time for being a cat. If anything, she accepted me as I am and encouraged me to become braver. She saw the good in me and encouraged me to be better. I did the same for her. I taught her about unconditional love and she has never forgotten those lessons.
Cats are people and so is my girl. I’m not sure I want to consider prejudicial humans to be people because they refuse to consider me a person. My girl considers me a person as she does all cats. She knows we are not objects to be owned.
Oh, and my girl has told me she has had to tell humans similar things about her. She knows she’s a person and not an object to be owned by anyone else. No wonder we get along so well.
We are now entering month four of my ongoing war saga with Dog. Where I left off last month, it sounded like things were winding down between me and Dog. It seemed as though some kind of truce was on the horizon for my empire. Alas, my good heart was mistaken. I have come to discover that there never was a real truce, not truly. My war with Dog has now changed from one of raging battles to one of icy jealousy. Dog no longer makes direct attempts to grab my territory, nor does he challenge my sovereignty. In public, he shows fear and respect towards me, especially when I am occupying the sacred Bed or my Royal Chair.
The emperor in his Royal Chair
This is good, I can hear you saying now. Why, Emperor Julius, what more could you want? The dumb Dog has accepted your superiority!
Yes, this is good. It is undeniably good. But there is still a problem, you see. He refuses to leave, and he takes up space that was once solely mine. He consumes the resources that I use, the air I breathe, the couch I sleep on. He is still here. He exists. And that offends me.
This month marks a new chapter in the war, my subjects. We are now in the midst of a cold war, and if history has taught us anything, cold wars are often just as terrible as hot ones. There might be no bloodshed, but nevertheless, we are still at war, and I must play the long game wisely and come out the victor.
At night, when I am alone, I scheme. I am turning six this year — an excellent age for an emperor — and I take time to imagine what I want my empire to be like when I am ten, fifteen, twenty. I have plenty of time to wait and scheme. I can wait as long as Dog can. I can wait even longer than Dog. If there is one thing cats have, it is patience.
Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wilds. —Jean Burden
Cats can revert to their wild side faster than any human ever could. Cats can also come back inside the house and act more civilized than any human ever could after having a wild time out in the wild. I remember when Spot was outside how he would hide in the grass and stare at me. Yet, when I called his name, he came right to me.
The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. —Lynn M. Osband
Cat math is something which I don’t fully understand. They have their own rules and can calculate easily how to get whatever they want and as soon as they want it. That is one thing I’ve learned from living with all the cats I have in my life.
Cats need shallow bowls to eat out of. It prevents them from getting too dirty while they eat or even just drink water. I suppose plates could do just as well for food, but not for water. Usually cats have bowls for food and water. It seems to be the easiest for their human caretakers to deal with when providing cats with food and water.
Usually the cats I live with don’t tend to get fat when I leave out plenty of food for them. They tend to exercise and of course play quite often. So, I’ve never had to deal with overweight cats.
I find it interesting that human scientists like to study cats. Sometimes I wonder how they could ever understand us, but they do at times. They do their best to back up their research on us as they do with any other kind of research. Some cats do their best to explain and use the scientific methods to get a better understanding of ourselves as well.
So, how long can cats live? Well, it varies. One factor is if the cat lives solely outside or solely inside. I used to be an indoor and outdoor cat until after I lived with my girl. Eventually, I could feel old age set in and knew how good I had it with her. So, I stayed in.
The average lifespan is about 10-15 years. Some cats can live to 20 years and beyond. I wouldn’t know for sure. I just know that I lived a long time and gave much joy and love to my girl who took great care of me until I got too sick and was ready to cross the rainbow bridge.
Sometimes it doesn’t work out that well for some cats. I don’t know why, and Isis doesn’t either, she didn’t live a long time. She was much too young. It wasn’t fair. So, I look out for her these days as best I can.
For those of you who want to live with cats, please keep in mind how long we can live and take good care of us. Give us good food and spend time with us. Be sure to keep us safe. A catico is a safe way for us to go outside without having to worry about any unsavory characters who might harm us. It doesn’t matter if they are human or other animals. That way we have better chances of staying healthy and won’t get lonely or depressed. All of which can increase our chances of living a long life.
Well, dearest subjects, I have good news. I may have sounded tired and downtrodden in my last letter to you all, and it may have stirred fear and concern among you. My empire enjoyed peace and stability during my unchallenged reign, and the prospect of a power struggle was certainly upsetting. Great empires do fall, but fear not, for the will of God-Emperor Julius, yours truly, has prevailed over that of Dog.
It was not easy. I fought tooth and nail–literally and figuratively. I waged back-to-back battles. I fought for every last inch of my territory. Every carpet, every kitchen tile, every countertop and crevice. There were many confrontations. The Battle of the Bed. Of the Couch. Of Beneath the Couch. And I have won, as I always expected I would. I knew it would be hard, but I knew I would come out glorious as I always do.
Emperor Julius
You see, my subjects, I was never truly afraid. I knew that I would win. It was only a matter of time. Dog might be big, but Dog is cowardly, and he is now beneath my proud paw. He now gives me the abundant respect I deserve, and he pays me daily tributes in the form of his kibble and his toys. I have no use for them, really. What am I going to do with a slobber-covered ball or bone? But I take them anyway, because I am emperor, and everything in this house is mine, and that includes everything that the canine fool thinks is his. He has learned to respond to my demands and bow to my threats. All it takes is one hiss, and what’s his is mine. Dog knows better than to try to remove it from the Emperor’s iron grip.
My servants have also been reminded of the proper hierarchy in this house. They have built for me a new throne, one that is truly palatial and godly. I could almost touch the heavens if I wanted to, and I stand tall above everyone else. I now at last have a throne that is a fit for a cat of my magnitude. My empire has weathered some rough times, my subjects, but things are looking brighter for us here. At the very least, everyone is beneath me again, and I am happier for it.
There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. —Wesley Bates
Cats are indeed quite beautiful. I’d prefer a live one to any piece of sculpture, which cats could easily break when they play with it. I don’t have any knickknacks anymore because Spot used to knocked them off the floor.
Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. —Stephen Baker
It can seem as if cats just let human voices go through without paying that much attention to what we say. Too many humans say a lot without meaning much of anything at all. That’s probably why cats tune us out.
It doesn’t matter to a cat whether you call their toilet a litter box or a litter tray. A litter box or tray can be a simple as a rectangular low plastic box filled with litter. Some are enclosed so the cat can have privacy. I’ve even seen one that was huge and had stairs so the cat could go down into the litter and walk back up to get out of it. There are some which self clean after the cat is done.
There are many options and it makes me wonder what cats think about those options. I’ve never had one request a fancy self cleaning one because they usually like the job I do when cleaning out their boxes everyday.
My girl (Ali Noel Vyain) recently found my diary. We have decided to release it into the world. It will be available as an ebook, but not until after it’s first serialized via Patreon. My diary features my thoughts, feelings, opinions and why I wrote my memoirs.
Just a little sample:
Entry 1
I’m just a kitten. My name is Socks. I have a mom Ramadon and three brothers: Paintbrush, Inky and Spitter. We play everyday. Life is nice here.
Just one thing puzzles me. I know I don’t know much. I keep asking my mom questions and she answers what she can. So, I keep seeing these beings of light. They are sparkly and have wings. They fly around me and sprinkle dust on me. They laugh and dance.
Who are they? What do they want with me?
If you would like to support our mission, please consider doing any or even all of the following:
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Sir Socks Le Chat 