Well, dearest subjects, I have good news. I may have sounded tired and downtrodden in my last letter to you all, and it may have stirred fear and concern among you. My empire enjoyed peace and stability during my unchallenged reign, and the prospect of a power struggle was certainly upsetting. Great empires do fall, but fear not, for the will of God-Emperor Julius, yours truly, has prevailed over that of Dog.
It was not easy. I fought tooth and nail–literally and figuratively. I waged back-to-back battles. I fought for every last inch of my territory. Every carpet, every kitchen tile, every countertop and crevice. There were many confrontations. The Battle of the Bed. Of the Couch. Of Beneath the Couch. And I have won, as I always expected I would. I knew it would be hard, but I knew I would come out glorious as I always do.
You see, my subjects, I was never truly afraid. I knew that I would win. It was only a matter of time. Dog might be big, but Dog is cowardly, and he is now beneath my proud paw. He now gives me the abundant respect I deserve, and he pays me daily tributes in the form of his kibble and his toys. I have no use for them, really. What am I going to do with a slobber-covered ball or bone? But I take them anyway, because I am emperor, and everything in this house is mine, and that includes everything that the canine fool thinks is his. He has learned to respond to my demands and bow to my threats. All it takes is one hiss, and what’s his is mine. Dog knows better than to try to remove it from the Emperor’s iron grip.
My servants have also been reminded of the proper hierarchy in this house. They have built for me a new throne, one that is truly palatial and godly. I could almost touch the heavens if I wanted to, and I stand tall above everyone else. I now at last have a throne that is a fit for a cat of my magnitude. My empire has weathered some rough times, my subjects, but things are looking brighter for us here. At the very least, everyone is beneath me again, and I am happier for it.