Being a Full-Time Cat….

It’s hard being a full-time cat and doing a good job at it. A lot of people overlook just how time-consuming and exhausting it really is, especially if, like me, you have a large territory to lord over responsibly. Not every cat has the position of emperor like I do, and let me tell you, it is a huge task to undertake each and every day. But I never shy away from my duties. I am emperor for a reason, and I always strive to show my subjects excellent leadership.

From dawn to dusk and through the night, I am always hard at work maintaining my empire to the best of my ability. It might look like I nap a lot, but I always have one eye open, and I am ready to leap up at a second’s notice whenever anyone needs me. Day in and day out, I have a long list of areas I have to oversee and manage:

• Kitchen activities. I always keep a watchful gaze over cooking and food prep, to make sure that imperial standards are upheld. I frequently have to taste-test what the kitchen produces to ensure it is of top-notch quality.
• Water usage. Whenever water is used in my home, I have to check to ensure that the pipes are working correctly and that the water is of satisfactory taste, temperature, and quality. This includes bathtubs, sinks, and toilets — if I hear a flush, you know I’ll come running to do my job!
• Trash services. I have to routinely inspect the trash to make sure that items are being disposed of correctly and that food is not being accidentally thrown away. Oftentimes, my kitchen staff will mistakenly toss something that is still edible — or at least partially edible — and I have to rectify those situations.
• Cleanliness. I have to make sure that all quarters remain clean and up to standards. I routinely have to clear out dust, cobwebs, spiders, bugs, lint, and other odds and ends that pile up in the corners. I also make a point of licking the kitchen floor at least once a day, to clear it of oil, crumbs, and other bits of food that slip out of the kitchen staff’s hands.
• Security. One of my most time-consuming jobs is patrolling the premises and making sure that my empire’s defenses have not been breached. I have to check all windows, doors, and other points of entry to make sure they are still secure. I try to mark them with my scent to let outsiders know this is the boundary of my territory, although my human doesn’t seem to understand my efforts.
• Day watch/night guard. Another extremely time-consuming job is to keep watch over the empire and keep an eye out for potential threats or intruders. I have several perches throughout my empire where I post myself for my watch sessions. These sessions are extremely fatiguing and have to be broken up with naps, but even then, I always sleep with my senses honed and ready for action.

Between all of these duties, I hardly have time for myself. I’m lucky if I can fit in time to play and time to clean myself. It’s certainly an exhausting job, keeping this empire running right and making sure my humans are safe, but it’s worth it in the end. I am, after all, Emperor Julius, and this is my duty on this earth.