The Early Bird Gets the Worm, but the Early Cat Gets It All

I believe it’s important to start your day off right with an “up and at ’em attitude”. No reason to hide around in bed like a slug or to continually turn off your alarm and delay the inevitable. An early, enthusiastic start to your day, plus a large helping of a healthy breakfast, is the best way to make sure your day will be productive and full of positive energy. I have always lived by these maxims, and so far I think they have served me very well. I am an accomplished emperor, my reign is unopposed, and my empire continues to expand — clearly, I have figured out the wisest way to live a good, happy life, and at so young an age, too! I am wise beyond my years!

The tricky part, however, is convincing the humans that this way of life is beneficial. So far they have not appreciated my attempts at encouraging them to adopt this lifestyle. I rise tirelessly every morning at 5am to try to wake them and introduce them to the benefits of being a crepuscular animal. The quiet, meditative qualities of the dawn hour do wonders for mood, energy, and clarity of mind, and I want my humans to reap all the benefits I have been reaping for years. I try and try to get them to wake up at this golden hour–I climb on their chests, on their faces, on their heads; I nuzzle them with my cold, healthy nose–but they never react well, and they never seem to understand I’m trying to improve their health. They burrow themselves deeper in the blankets, grumbling, waving me away. Sometimes they even scream and cry, throwing pillows over their heads, and then I have to try even harder to pull them from their relentless slumber.

Such lazy creatures of habit! They shoo me out of the room, and then I am relegated to sitting outside of their door, crying at the top of my lungs, trying desperately to warn them that their chance is passing fast. The golden hour wanes away quickly, and it is only afterwards, when it is too late, that they begin to tumble out of bed, stiff and grouchy and unaware that they could have been so vitally energized like me.

You have to get up early, humans! You have to embrace the light of dawn!